Letters to myself #1

Dear Molly,

I hope you are okay this morning. I know how stressful the last few months have been and my thoughts are with you. Remember that you’re not alone, not matter what it might feel like. Things haven’t been going that great here for me either and this past week was just the worst!

Monday I started off tired, but it was my own fault because I had stayed up too late reading on Sunday night. But that’s okay, I got through the day and had an early night. I met up with Hayley at lunchtime and we sat in the university refectory to eat. I’m tired of the construction going on all over campus and long for the days when this was a grassy peaceful place to hang out!

Tuesday is when everything really turned to sh*t!!! It started with that kangaroo leaping in front of my car. I had nearly came to a stop and just gave her a nudge and she gave me such a look of shock! I thought the damage wasn’t too bad but then the engine warning light came on and the mechanic said I needed a smash repairer and they said I needed to talk to the insurance people and suddenly I was without a car and left feeling helpless. I had been keeping my anxiety and some sort of control up until then but now it’s in overdrive!!!

Still no news on my car and when lunchtime came I Hayley was running late and in the end sent me a text to say she had been held up at work and couldn’t come. I finished reading my chapter (Runelight by Joanne Harris, great book!) before leaving. I really needed some friendship company today but not to be. My anxiety is deepening and I can’t stop the tears flooding my eyes every now and then. I haven’t been this low for ages.

Thursday was wet and although I like a nice rainy day as much as the next girl it didn’t help my feelings at all. Not even the glistening leaves could make me smile today. I spoke to my dad on the phone for a while. Mum wasn’t well enough to talk and dad just said ‘stuff happens’, or something like that. I fell asleep crying into my pillow.

The worst thing is I feel like a complete failure. I know that’s is wrong but when bad stuff happens it just magnifies everything! I met Hayley for lunch on Friday and we had a nice chat. Then Stephanie and I had a fight while I was cooking dinner and we both went to bed feeling crap. She came in later and we made up but it was a rotten end to a rotten week.

I’m off to Adelaide for a week tomorrow so today is about relaxing and packing. Everything has to be up from here, doesn’t it?

Anyway, have a great trip and remember that you are loved.

Your friend,

Molly xx