sustainability

i wake up late. i have no idea where the morning goes. after class i buy a juice. smile at the girl. behind the counter. she curls her hair. i manage to avoid saying something stupid. feeling guilty as i walk away. lipstick smudges on the juice cup. last night we had our first fight. childish. she was right. and i was drunk. i don’t know why we torment each other. everyday i am learning. more about how to live. i sit on the grass. looking browner than usual. Miriam doesn’t look up. she is still upset. stepping out of my comfort zone. i say i’m sorry. she looks at me. you have to be more aware of people. they have needs too. i try to make myself cry. she’s not falling for it. small acts of sustainability take too much energy. it’s not fun separating your rubbish. so i put it off until tomorrow. tell her i’ll see her in class. walk away. i still can’t cry.