to never wake

a voice inside
shouts I’m a girl
watching shadows
that won’t stop
risking my life;

I can feel them now
burning in my stomach,
my eyes, daring me
to never wake

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Meditation challenge

This week’s challenge was ‘meditation’. This was not something I have ever been good at and I had no idea where to start. I began searching online for tips on how to meditate and was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of advice out there. In the end I decided to start small.

I found myself a quiet corner and closed my eyes for a moment. I tried to concentrate on my breathing and block out any thoughts. So far so good. The next day I went to two minutes and then four minutes the day after that. While I could handle a short space of time the longer I went the harder it was to keep my mind empty of random thoughts.

So I decided to change tack and rather than sit in silence I played some soft music. This was something I could do. I focused on one instrument or the singer’s voice until it felt like I was floating. I discovered some songs were better than others at helping to lose myself.

After a week of this I realised a few things about myself, some that I already knew. I find it hard to relax and some days my stress and anxiety levels are so high that no amount of quiet sitting helps. Other times though I found I was able to block out my rampant thoughts by focusing on one thing only. This gave me a way to help deal with my issues.

Maybe I need more practice meditating. But the best things all was making time to spend each day to just sit.

Love

Molly xx

Today

Belonging to a hidden truth
somewhere else fragmented
like spiritual wisdom
or existential anger
I didn’t know anything
harmless apparition
absent-mindedly walking
through my life

Bikini body

Swim suit folded around my body
Tanned, bikini clad girl in the mirror
—Roxy, Seafolly, Billabong—
Is not me, she is somewhere else
Having a midnight swim in her imagination
Before I reach for the baggy tee shirt
To cover it all up again for safe-keeping

Secret peaceful places

Secret peaceful places
touched with sadness
cling to my thoughts
with every breath haunting;
they refuse to leave
for too long now
I haven’t tried,
haven’t felt the warmth
of another skin,
all that guilt
tells me it’s safer,
but what if they knew?
what about time?
that healer of all wounds,
what have you been doing?
while I am still so broken
that wind just rushes
through my secrets

Silence

Silence
Between the lines
There is silence
Where my words lie
Between the lines
In the silence

A smile hides the pain

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A smile hides the pain
A gift softens the heart

Walk away and calm down
Before the negativities magnify
Into truth

Write it down carefully
Until you are ready to speak
In a small voice

Just smile

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Just smile at your memories of home
those secrets hidden behind doors
that made you so weak
and restless to run away

I believe in love and Wonder Woman

In case you hadn’t already guessed, today I went to see Wonder Woman at the cinema. I have read so many reviews about what a wonderful movie this was but none of them prepared me for just how fantastic! There was so much to love about Wonder Woman – Gal Gadot is my new favourite actor, the storyline kept me enthralled, young Diana was played endearingly by 8-year old Lilly Aspell, enough feminist themes to upset your average action movie fan, Diana’s awesome fight scenes,  particularly the way the slow motion action shots showed her hair twirling and hopefully inspiring a whole generation of young girls and women to stand up for what they want. But all that aside, one of the main themes that continually leapt out at me was the futility of war.

I clearly remember visiting the Australian War Memorial in Canberra when I was 7 years old. The dioramas of First World War battle scenes gave me nightmares for years afterward. The mud and bodies and barbed wire kept cropping up in my dreams whenever my anxiety got out of control. I could never understand how anyone would knowingly put others in such situations.

As I am writing this, the television news is full of North Korean missiles, conflict in the Middle East and yet more terrorist acts. Have humans learned nothing?

Okay, so superhero action movies are escapist entertainment, but I felt like the most important statement in the movie was ‘I believe in love’. Maybe if we spread love instead of hate there would be no more 7 year old girls anywhere in the world having nightmares.

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