Molly #24

The next morning at breakfast, my sisters were talking about how we were going to be moving to a different town. I didn’t understand what they meant at first, and then Samantha said we would be going hundreds of kilometres away to a town in the south western part of the state.

All I could think about was Stephanie and how I would get to see her if we were going to be so far away. I felt numb at the thought of leaving her behind and missing all those things that were comfortable and familiar.

At school that day I told Stephanie that I was meant to be moving away.

“You’re kidding me aren’t you Molly?”

“No,” I said sadly, “It’s true. We go at the end of the month.”

“What about all our plans? Who am I going to sit with at lunchtime?”

“I’m sorry, Steph. I don’t want to go.”

We hugged each other and moped around the playground until every day started to be full of last things – the last game of soccer; the last time I went to Stephanie’s house; the last day of school.

As the time drew closer, I had to start to pack all of my things, feeling sad as each toy or book disappeared into the bottom of the box. I wrote my name on top in big letters using a marking pen so that it wouldn’t get lost when the men came to take it away in a truck.

On the morning we were leaving I woke up very early, before anyone else was awake. The house was quiet and I walked slowly around looking in each empty room, trying to soak as much of it into my memory as I could so I would never forget. I went outside and sat down under the mulberry tree, looking up into the branches and thinking about all the fun times I had played with Stephen there.

I closed my eyes to hold the tears in and then must have fallen asleep because I woke up hearing my name being called from the house.

“Molly,” called Mum. “Molly, where are you?” The men with the truck had come back to take the last of our furniture. I looked up in time to see my bed disappearing into the back of the truck. I sat there with tears in my eyes when Mum came along and picked me up. I felt really heavy and sad.

“Oh Molly, there you are. What are you doing out here, sweetheart?”

“Mum, do we have to go? I want to stay here forever.”

“Come on Molly. This is just something we have to do as part of growing up. It will help you grow into a big strong girl.” Mum kissed my head softly.

“But I don’t want to grow up.”

I pressed my face against her shoulder and cried as she carried me back to the house. I was still sniffling when I climbed into the car and Dad drove out of the driveway. As I looked back through the window and watched the house disappear, I could see Stephanie standing on the corner waving goodbye.

Advertisements

Molly #23

Stephanie and I walked out of the pavilion and into a world of rides, clowns and show bags. With all the excitement and noise spinning around me I soon forgot to be sad and we lined up for a ride on the dodgem cars. Mum bought some tickets and Stephanie and I climbed into the same car. She steered because she was bigger than me and I couldn’t reach the pedals or steering wheel. The bell rang and we were soon off, whizzing around and around, sometimes bumping into other cars and swerving all over the place. We were laughing our heads off the whole time and I was quite breathless by the end.

My head was still spinning after I got out of the dodgem car and Mum had bought some fairy floss for Stephanie and me. As we walked along holding hands and eating our fairy floss I told Stephanie that I had never had so much fun in my life. We swore we would be best friends forever and I felt my eyes sparkling with joy. We gave each other a big hug and I thought how amazing it was that I felt so perfect and happy when I was with Stephanie.

I was really tired by the end of the day, but I was floating with happiness as I sat in the car. I kept watching the showground through the back window of the car as we drove away and I could see the tops of the ferris wheel and some of the rides poking above the trees. There was still some fairy floss left on my stick and I licked it with my tongue, giggling at the way its sugary spider webs dissolved in my mouth. When I closed my eyes, I could picture the clown’s heads with their wide open mouths turning from side to side in the middle of all that noise and dust.

That night at dinner, the girls were still talking excitedly about the show.

“Did you see how cute the lambs were?”

“I didn’t go anywhere near the animals,” said Samantha. “It was too dusty and smelly in there.”

“Oh, but they were so cute, and the smell wasn’t that bad,” said Jasmine.

“What about the trick riders?” Catherine said, “They were fantastic. There was this one guy that leaned right down off his horse and picked a girl up from the ground and then she climbed on his shoulders as they rode.”

“Yeah, I saw that. They were so amazing.”

“I’ll tell you what was amazing was the rides. Did you go on the zipper?”

“No way! It made me feel sick just looking at it.”

“I nearly was!” said Samantha as she swallowed a mouthful of peas.  “It looked tame but as soon as I climbed in the cage it took off, and then I was upside down and suddenly spinning around. My legs were all wobbly when I got off.”

“Aw yuck!”

There was no way I would have gotten on a ride like that. I thought about how much fun I’d had with Stephanie on the dodgem cars and smiled to myself.

“Well it’s a good thing you all had fun,” said Dad, “Because next year we’ll be at a different show.”

“What do you mean?” Mum suddenly put down her knife and fork and looked sharply at him.

“I just heard this afternoon, we’re moving again. It’s only a rumour, but you know how these things work out.”

“I thought we had decided to stay here while the girls were at school?” I watched Mum’s face because she didn’t look very happy.

“Well, we’ll talk about it after dinner,” said Dad.

The girls had gone quiet and everyone had forgotten about the show.

As I lay in bed after dinner I could hear Mum and Dad talking in the lounge room. Every now and then Dad would raise his voice, not quiet yelling but I could tell he was putting his foot down and wasn’t going to budge.

When Mum came into my bedroom to tuck me in bed, I knew she had been crying. I gave her an extra hard hug when she kissed me goodnight.

“Mum, what’s happening?” I asked quietly.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Molly,” she said. “Just go to sleep, darling, and everything will be all right.” She turned out the light but left my bedroom door slightly open.

That night I had a dream that was full of images of colourful things spinning around. Suddenly I was on the back of a horse, riding over jumps and through hoops; then I was in a dodgem car and laughing my head off, but when I turned to smile at Stephanie it was actually Dad holding the steering wheel and we were driving out of the showground.

Molly #17

The night before I turned six years old there was a big storm that rattled the house throughout the night. The loud thunder and flashes of lightning were so scary I wanted to sleep in Mum’s bed, but she said I should be brave now I was about to turn six. As I lay in bed hugging Mr and Mrs Bear with my eyes wide open I thought the house was going to wash away from all the rain on the roof and the sound of the wind blowing outside.

I must have eventually fallen asleep because when I woke up in the morning the sun was shining brightly through the windows and I was six years old. When I looked outside there were big puddles everywhere and I quickly got dressed so I could go out and play in the water. Mum saw me from the kitchen window and yelled at me to come inside out of the wet grass. I got into big trouble for getting my shoes and dress muddy and felt terrible when she made me have a bath, even though it was only breakfast time. She said it was so that I would look clean and pretty for my birthday.

When I got out of the bath and was dressed again, everyone crowded around the kitchen table to watch me open my presents and I gave each of my sisters a hug and a kiss to say ‘thank you’. Stephen gave me a book about Pinocchio and I gave him an extra special kiss and hug before I was left alone to play with my new presents.  I went into the lounge room and sat on the floor and read about how Pinocchio dreamed of being a real boy. But he was very naughty for telling lies and seemed to get into trouble all the time, even when he didn’t mean to. I thought that was why he told lies, because he didn’t like getting into trouble. I wondered what it would be like to be made of wood, but I didn’t think I would like to be changed into a donkey and get long pointy ears and hooves like Pinocchio did. I much preferred being a real girl and I hoped getting into trouble in the morning wouldn’t make my ears grow. I still felt a little sad, even after all the excitement of opening my presents.

After a while Mum came into the lounge room and told me I should go and have a look on the back verandah. I rushed to open the door and there I found a brand new girl’s bike, all shiny silver and yellow with huge wheels. It had a bow tied around the handle bars and a sticker on the tube that read ‘Little Angel’.

The bike was a bit too big for me but I found that I could get on by climbing onto a chair first then pushing off. I turned the pedals and suddenly I was flying up and down the backyard with my legs spinning round and round.

I spent all morning riding under the mulberry tree, through the gate to the front and then back again. Stephen said I was going to wear a track in the muddy lawn. Mum said when I got bigger I could ride up and down the laneway and then the lawn would be safe. The laneway was dirt and ran down the back of all the houses along our street and it’s where all the big kids played.

“Molly,” I heard Mum calling out from the back verandah. “It’s time to come in. I think Stephanie is here; I just heard a car pull up out the front.”

I jumped off my bike and ran to meet my best friend at the front door. “Stephanie!” I squealed and gave her a big hug.

“Hi Molly, happy birthday,” she said as she handed me a present. It was wrapped in purple paper with a pink ribbon tied around it. I was so excited that I ripped all the paper off in one go and there inside was a beautiful book of stories about fairies. “Oh Steph, I love it,” I said and gave her another hug.

“Why don’t you girls go outside and play for a while before lunch?” Mum said.

“Come on Steph,” I said. “Come and see my new bike.” We went out the back and took turns riding my bike around the yard for a little while.

“I’ve had enough of riding, Molly. Let’s go and play on the swings,” Stephanie said. I wasn’t tired of the bike, but I leant it carefully against the wall and followed Stephanie across to the swing set. I didn’t mind playing on the swings for a little while but it made me feel sick if I went too fast.

“Come on, Molly… go higher like me.” Stephanie was already swinging high, kicking her legs right up into the sky and she looked just like a blur. I tried to keep up with her and kicked my legs to make the swing go faster. Every time I went forward to the top of the swing I would feel like I was going to fly off into space, then my stomach would plunge as I suddenly started to swing backwards. Stephanie was giggling loudly and she kept urging me to go faster and faster. Each time I would kick my legs and go higher and higher, but then I started to feel dizzy. I tried to hang on until it suddenly felt like I was floating in mid air. Everything froze for a moment and then I started falling, down, down forever, until I landed with a thump on the ground. I was stunned for a moment, and then started to scream because my arm hurt where I had landed on it crookedly.

“Molly! Are you okay?” Stephanie jumped off the swing and put her arm around me as Mum raced out of the house. By the time she arrived I was sobbing uncontrollably.

“What happened? Let me have a look.” Mum felt my arm and it really hurt. “Well I don’t think it’s broken so you will live.” She picked me up and carried me inside the house. “You girls should play inside where it’s safer.”

Molly #15

I started learning how to swim soon after school began and on Saturday mornings I had to walk all the way down to the swimming pool with Mum and my sisters. I wore new pink swimmers to the pool and a big floppy hat to keep the sun off my face.

On the way to the pool I had to walk past the old cemetery. Even on the warmest day the old gates look cold and gloomy and long grass grew around the graves. Stephen once said that ghosts wandered around in there and I walked a little faster and kept my eyes on the footpath rather than looking up at the grey and lonely headstones. Mum and the girls didn’t seem to be bothered though and I tried to walk in the middle of them where it was safe until we got to the end of the block.

Then we walked across the railway line and left the cemetery far behind and my legs suddenly got tired from walking so fast that I started to lag behind. Every now and then I had to run to catch up again because they wouldn’t wait for me.

Eventually we reached the pool and the girls ran off to join their friends as soon as Mum paid and we walked through the gates. There was a little bit of time before my swimming lesson so Mum let me play in the baby pool for a while. I liked being in the water but it was always freezing cold at swimming lessons and I couldn’t stop myself from shivering and my lips sometimes turned blue. Mum put yellow floaties on my arms to stop me from sinking and she had to blow them up until they were big and puffy and squeezed my arms so tight that I could feel my fingers tingling.

Jumping in the baby pool was fun because I could touch the bottom and make lots of splashes. I liked the feeling of the water on my body, how it moved against my skin and I could feel myself pushing through it like swimming through honey.

One of the first things I learned to do in my swimming lessons was to float on my back until I was able to just bob up and down with my arms spread like a starfish. Then I learned to move my hands and feet and push myself across the pool. It wasn’t so easy when I was on my front because I couldn’t breathe and the water filled up my goggles and stung my eyes. I took a few arm strokes and then rolled over to take a big breath while facing the sky.

After a while, Lisa, the swimming teacher, took the class to swim at the deep end. Everyone lined up on the edge of the pool and one by one we had to jump in and paddle across to the teacher. I was at the end of the line and I started to get more and more nervous as it came closer to my turn.

“Come on Molly, you can do it,” Lisa called out from the middle of the pool. All the other children had already swum out to her and back to the edge and there were some faces watching me from the water. But the bottom of the pool looked so far down and it was such a deep blue and the teacher was swimming so far away from where I was standing. My toes edged forward slowly, feeling how slippery the tiles were. I could feel tears building up in my eyes as Lisa called out again more sternly. “Molly, if you don’t get in then I will have to climb out there and throw you in!”

I started to back away from the slippery edge of the pool, when suddenly there was somebody behind me and I was being pushed towards the water. I started to scream and fell to the ground in a panic. Everything seemed to be a whirl of colours and noise and when I looked up all I could see was the grinning face of that boy, Darren, from school laughing at me. “Molly’s a scaredy cat, Molly’s a scaredy cat,” he taunted.

Just then I heard Stephanie’s voice. “Leave her alone, Darren.” In a flash of blue bikini my best friend raced across the grass to confront my tormentor.

“Darren, go and sit down over there.” My swimming teacher climbed out of the pool and pointed to a bench near the canteen. She didn’t look very happy at all. “Leave the girls alone,” she said sternly. I was sitting on the ground crying when I felt Stephanie’s hand on my shoulder. Lisa walked over and took my hand. “Come on girls; let’s go back down the shallow end. Perhaps we will try the deep end again next week.”

I didn’t want to get back in the pool, but Stephanie was watching me so I tried to be brave and finish the swimming lesson. The water felt really cold then and I shivered the whole time until my teeth started chattering.

Eventually I was allowed to climb out and Stephanie and I lay on our towels to dry in the warm sunshine. I could hear the sound of splashing and laughter but there was no way I was getting back in the water. With my face pressed against the towel, I watched a line of ants marching across the concrete toward the grass as Stephanie talked brightly to try and cheer me up.

On the way home from the pool Mum bought me a bag of mixed lollies full of freckles, custard whirls, redskins, and jelly babies. The sun was high in the sky and I shared my lollies with Stephanie as we walked along. I soon started smiling and chatting again as we skipped across the cracks in the footpath and tried to catch up with Mum and the girls before we got near the cemetery.

Memories

honey drips from my pen
cup of tea cooling on the bench
candle light flickering across my writing space
‘what is the use of crying?’ I write

before I was born
the world was black and white
when my mother was still young
before my sisters and brother
before memories blackened in ash

Molly #14

One day a man come into the classroom with a guitar on his back. Mrs Mills said his name was Neil and he started playing some songs as the class sat on the floor and listened. Neil had wild fuzzy hair and holes in his jeans and his guitar sparkled like diamonds. He was tall and spoke softly, but when he started playing the songs were so beautiful that I couldn’t stop my feet from moving. I enjoyed it when we were allowed to sing along and I loved the way singing made me feel so good, as if something alive was coming out of my body.
When I got home I told Mum that I wanted to play the guitar. “Perhaps when you get bigger, Molly,” she said. “You know, girls don’t usually play guitar though, maybe you should just be a singer.” But I was already bursting with music and I couldn’t stop thinking about Neil’s sparkly guitar and how the beautiful notes fell from it like starlight as I walked around the house singing ‘Morning Has Broken’ again and again.
“Oh Molly, stop singing,” Samantha yelled from her bedroom, “You are so hopeless. I’m trying to do my homework.” I could hear the radio that was playing in her bedroom get louder and she slammed the door shut, so I went into my bedroom and sang to Mr and Mrs Bear as they sat on my bed listening to me.
I sang about being followed by a moon shadow, and although I didn’t really know what it meant, I liked the sound of it, sort of mysterious. I also liked singing that other song about things blowing in the wind. I felt like I knew what that one meant; something that you can’t quite name, but it is out there anyway, blowing in the wind like a butterfly and if you could only catch it you would find the answer.
Every night I sang while I was having my bath, trying to get my voice as low as it would go as I sank down towards the bubbles. Then I tried to sing really high like an opera singer and I lifted my face up to the bathroom ceiling. “Molly!” Mum called from the kitchen, “Stop being so noisy in there and hurry up and finish your bath.”
“Okay Mum,” I called back. I felt like I had finally found what I wanted to be when I grew up. “I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul…”

Molly #12

When I got home I played with my dolls and teddy bears and tried to forget about school. I had two favourite teddy bears; one was a soft pink bear with a bright pink ribbon around her neck that I was given when I was a baby. The other was an old scruffy brown bear that had belonged to Stephen when he was little. One of his eyes hung loose and he was missing lots of fur on his body. I called them Mr and Mrs Bear and I loved them both so much that they shared my pillow and I hugged them every night as I fell asleep. Sometimes when I woke up in the morning Mr and Mrs Bear had slipped right down under the blankets to my feet.

Now I was at school I sat Mr and Mrs Bear on my pillow and read to them. Mrs Bear looked very interested and leaned toward the book, but scruffy old Mr Bear looked a bit bored as his loose eye dangled down. I think Mr Bear was a bit sad sometimes and longed for the days when he was a strong, young bear with lots of nice fur. I tried to make him happy again with my reading.

“Molly!” Mum called out from the kitchen. “It’s time for bed sweetheart, you’ve got school tomorrow.” I could hear the sound of the jug boiling as it blew a whistle of steam.

“I’m nearly finished Mum. I’m just reading my book.”

“Five more minutes then, while I have a coffee.”

“Okay Mum.” I settled myself back down on the bed, lying on my tummy with my knees bent and feet crossed in the air; Mr and Mrs Bear were waiting expectantly. “All right guys, let’s find out about the cow in the canal. ‘Once a cow was eating grass…’”

Molly #7

When Christmas Eve came I could hardly get to sleep. Mum sent me to bed early but I just lay there trying to hear the sound of Santa’s sleigh on the roof. Every now and then I would sneak out to the lounge room to see if Santa had been yet. “Molly! Get back in bed!” Mum would yell at me.

But being in bed didn’t help. I felt like running around or jumping up and down before I burst. How could anyone sleep when they knew Santa was meant to be coming? After a while, I thought it was sounding quieter in the lounge room so I tried to sneak out again, but as soon as my feet touched the floor, Mum was in the doorway. “Molly, are you still awake? You need to go to sleep sweetheart.”

“I can’t sleep Mum, I’ve tried really hard, but I just can’t.”

“All right then, why don’t you come out and lay on the lounge for a bit,” said Mum.

I hopped out of bed with my pillow and snuggled up on the lounge next to Mum, listening to the television. I don’t know what was on. It was just some boring grownups movie with a man in a grey coat walking in the rain. Every now and then he would start singing something about silver bells.

The next thing I knew I was lying in bed and could see the first rays of morning sun light coming through the window. I lay there for a moment just staring out the window, trying to remember something important, when suddenly I realised what it was and I looked at the end of my bed to see a pillow case full of presents. I jumped up and quickly opened my Santa sack to find out what was inside. First there was a book; I love books but I put it aside to look at later. I reached in again and pulled out a doll in a pretty dress. I bent her legs at the waist and sat her down next to the book. Next was something large and soft, and as I pulled out a princess dress I squealed in delight. “Santa did make me a princess!” I yelled excitedly. The last thing in the sack was a princess crown which I quickly put on my head and bounced up and down on the bed with delight.

I jumped out of bed to see if anyone else was awake yet, but the house was still and quiet so I went back to my bedroom to sit on my bed and look at the book, pretending to read a story to my new doll. “Once there was a princess,” I said, “She was the prettiest girl in the whole kingdom with beautiful eyes, but a nasty witch had locked her in a tower.”

Eventually everyone else woke up and the house was soon filled with Christmas carols coming from the stereo and the smell of bacon and eggs cooking on the barbecue. I went and sat in the lounge room and looked at the mountain of presents under the Christmas tree, trying to guess which ones were mine and what special surprises were waiting for me inside the colourful wrapping paper that rustled excitingly when I touched it.

While everyone else was having breakfast in the kitchen, I played with my new doll under the Christmas tree. There was a scent of pine needles in the air and when I touched the tree the needles were spiky and a little bit sticky. It made my fingers smell. I showed my doll the sparkly tinsel and pretty fairies and other decorations on the tree while the stereo sang about having a white Christmas.

I lay down on the floor and closed my eyes as I wondered what a white Christmas would look like. There would be a castle covered in snow, high on a mountaintop. I am a tiny thing wearing my princess dress and standing at the bottom of the biggest Christmas tree in the world. My curly red hair is poking out from under my princess tiara as the lights on the Christmas tree sparkle in my eyes and make the decorations shimmer. There are angels and fairies playing amongst the green, red and golden tinsel, laughing and squealing like young children and I want to climb up there so that I can play with them. There are so many presents under the tree that they block my view and I start to climb on top so I can see further and reach the fairy children. I held my new doll tightly in my arms. “Molly,” she called to me. “Molly, wake up. It’s time for Christmas.”

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑