I let you go

I see you on Walker Street
head down, pushing a pram
bag slung over your shoulder
you used to say you couldn’t wait
to leave this place
your bags were packed
when I saw you at the station
but you kept coming back
to the emptiness inside
pushing me away
said you didn’t need help from anyone
you said that kiss behind the bus shelter
was your biggest mistake
you screamed it
so the whole world knew
that I let you go


alive and out of control

left over memories of schoolgirl fantasies
are hard to put into words
when everything was magic
but hidden behind the sun

I get colder every day watching you
I just can’t help myself
high top sneakers and a secret smile
wrapping girls around your finger
to make me jealous

it’s not exactly normal talking like that
when I feel this way
there’s nothing to talk about anyway
it’s just a cry for help
because I never chose to be me
alive and out of control


warm lips leave an impression
smiles are hard to resist
until it becomes another compulsion
another one of my flaws

as if I was the one

I will always be crazy
feline eyes staring
sleeping next to someone, anyone
to make the night slip away
instead of being pinned like a butterfly
with an ache in my chest

she stares back at me, tight-lipped smile
arms folded tight in the space between us
fire glinting in her eyes

I can smell her perfume, something musk
that always gets to me
the longer I lay there
the more I want to explode
as if I was the one that took her innocence

life is crazy slow

life is crazy slow
it tastes like hot breath
beneath my waistband
restless all night
it doesn’t make a difference
staring at the ceiling
when I’m in someone else’s bed
someone else’s life

i believe every feeling

i believe every feeling
torturing myself
take a pill
cheer up
be energetic
i hate when people say that
i’m not gay, when clearly
they don’t know who I’ve fucked
i just cover myself with ― nothing
that reminds me of my body
because I just feel stupid
and the lies stack on top of each other
in moments of panic
like when she kissed me on the lips

at night my muse awakes

at night my muse awakes
sighing and whispering in my ear
I tell her I want to read
but she urges me
With her fingers
you can read later, her words
silky on her tongue, insistent
every night she woos me
until I am won like a maiden
my pen scribbling across the page
while her hands stroke my hair
I lose track of the words
lose track of time
writing with mounting fury
when her lips find my collarbone
our spirits move together
through the silent hours
until my muse is sated
I put down my pen
and crawl back to bed

to mend what has been torn

to mend what has been torn
there are two forces in my mind
one has me on my knees
begging forgiveness
the other doesn’t remember
the way she left me
like life itself
slowly pulling me apart

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