dreaming was easy

dreaming was easy,
loving her was hard;
she left me feeling faded,
like a pair of skinny jeans,
even when body
was close to mine
she kept on with her rebellion
against the whole world,
mistaking it for love,
keeping it far from simple,
we went round in circles
playing her games
that messed with my head,
back and forth,
touching the nerves across my ribs
so warm and soft,
before she kissed me
and everything was right again.

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This I understand

eyes open ― dressing in silence,
stray hair falling across my face;
black jeans ― tight ― crop top;
these are the clothes I wear now,
but what kind of person am I?

part of me is still angry,
remembering the heat in my cheeks,
the warning in my head ― her words,
I ―am a dangerous thing,
this I understand.

Whispers

Don’t ask what I’m thinking
about the world where I live
I don’t care where it is
how that wall came between us
what made us weak were whispers

Cry like a river

I guess I’m just a girl you used to know
When you needed some time on your own
From the things you loved in me
How you tried to fly away
And each time I would catch you
And bring you back to cry like a river

Desire

She liked the words
Liked to hear them spoken
With her own voice repeating
A step further at the precise moment
Slowly pursing her lips like a flower
Whispering soon she promised
To become a child again
Full of impossible gaiety
Wanting something more
Than just words

Eyes of love

Eyes of love wept
At the glance not intended
For the bedroom door
Had she dared
Touch her heart’s
Need for intimacy
Something dark

Smoky morning

Smoky morning
Lover’s cup
Right words struggle
Coming out wrong
Waiting for an answer
She lied, I’m perfectly fine
Going through a looking glass
To collect her thoughts
My cup rattled in its saucer
Making a complete mess of my mind
Breath catching, hands tucked
Into my lonely little life
Staring at those pretty blue eyes
Thinking about the chalk circle
That black book
The clippings she’d taken from my fringe
Whispering all the while
Enchanted by her soft voice
Blaming myself for the argument
The loss of trust

More time

I stood on the verandah
Watching her back out of the driveway
No more paper kisses or rainbow hearts
Scattered rose petals in the bathwater
Where soapy fingers made me say ‘I love you’
Between chocolate-coated kisses
I should have known when she couldn’t say it
When all she could do was murmur into my neck
But I gave her all the space she needed
It wasn’t my fault the blankets ended up on my side
I just wanted to feel her body against me
That was the only time I felt whole
When I stood under the stars thinking
That sometimes I need to be alone
I didn’t mean to snap at her
When she removed my paintings
They didn’t mean anything anyway, I said
But I never said I didn’t like her loud friends
I told her I wasn’t the jealous type
But she flirted with that girl anyway
Just to see what I would do
With those almonds eyes watching
Her hand slide between those thin thighs
When all I could feel was ugly
I said I didn’t care to myself
As I lit a cigarette in the backyard
Because I knew she hated smoking
And I turned my back that night
When she tried to say she was sorry
With velvet circles against my hip
Until I caved in with her fingers
Jammed between my parted legs
Forgetting that I was meant to be angry
And I said ‘I love you’ again
And she went still against my back
And I choked back the tears
When I told her she should move out
Because I never thought she would
I just wanted her to say it
And I never meant to scream at her
And breaking her pottery was an accident
And I really meant to call when I was late
But I knew it was already too late by then
When I found her bags packed in the hallway
And her note left on the dresser
‘I would have said it, if you’d given me more time.’

Innocence

A ship that didn’t happen
Was meant to take us home
Whispered intentions to wait for him
In a tree where I sat with a book
With easy grace on the willow branch
When he disclosed a ring of diamonds
I drew my hand away like a fool
Sliding to the ground in shame
And running to lock myself in my room
Where I burned with shame
For my unrepentant heart
Refuses to marry anybody
Barren of passionate emotion.

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