Jealousy

gone to meet a lover
outside the queen’s chamber
naked finger to her lips
whispers before the fire
as if there were no ghosts here
no secrets hidden in my bodice
just blood staining my hands

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A girl with a guitar

A girl with a guitar written by Molly-Louise and performed by Ain’t Life

I’m going to find a girl with a guitar
And play her tune all night long
Lay on the beach under the stars
And sing her Frank Zappa songs

I’m going to find a girl with a car
And drive her ‘round all night long
Park somewhere under the stars
And sing her Van Morrison songs

I’m going to find a girl with faraway eyes
And hold her tight all night long
Park somewhere under the stars
And sing her Rolling Stones songs

I’m going to find a girl like you
And dance with her all night long
Do whatever she wants to do
And sing her Foreigner songs

Midnight

bare feet, slowly, soundless,
turn the doorknob inside
darkness, crying softly,
smells like clean skin

red hair, loose bun,
white tee, maroon scarf,
black jeans, doc martins,
leather bag holding my heart

raindrops against the roof,
thunder rattles windows
against my body
shirt falling loose

the house is quiet,
bruised petals purple,
hair flattened,
voices low, for now

The girl with pink hair

I was fifteen years old the first time a boy asked me out to the movies. I was so surprised and nervous when he asked me that I forgot to say no. And that is how I found myself in the queue waiting to buy a ticket next to an awkward boy with greasy hair. He kept hopping from one foot to the other as the line slowly inched forward.

The Avengers. That is the movie we are going to see. I don’t know anything about it. We move forward another place.

The smell of popcorn is strong in the air. It makes my tummy grumble and I quickly look up to make sure Tony hasn’t noticed. He is busy looking at his watch. I see a drop of sweat roll down his neck and disappear under his collar.

He looks up. ‘We’re next. Do you want popcorn?’

I nod.

He turns toward the girl behind the counter and orders our tickets. I don’t know whether I should move forward with him or not, so I just hang back.

Then I see her.

She is from another world.

I stare at her pink hair and leather jacket. Pink painted fingernails. The way she raises her eyebrow at the ticket girl. Mocking.

She turns and looks straight through me.

Suddenly I am aware of the space between us. My limp brown hair. Baggy jeans. Cracked fingernails.

I hear Tony sniff. ‘Look at her! She thinks she’s so great.’

But so do I. I want to be her. I want to know what it feels like to move so confidently through a crowd.

The line moves and then we are in the theatre.

Tony takes his seat. I sit beside him. My hands clench in my lap.

I wonder where the girl with pink hair is sitting. Who she is with.

Then she is there, in the seat next to mine.

I try to make myself as small as possible as she places a cup of Coke in the armrest holder.

From the corner of my eye I can see her smooth brown arm. Tiny little golden hairs.

I can’t stop myself from wondering what it would feel like to touch.

The lights dim and loud music fills the theatre. I try to follow the movie but it’s all happening to fast. None of it means anything to me.

I glance at the girl beside me out of the corner of my eye. She is placing popcorn in her mouth. She turns her head slightly and looks at me. I quickly turn my eyes back to the screen.

She tilts the popcorn my way, as though she is offering me some.

I pretend not to notice. Hot prickles rise beneath my skin.

Tony stretches and tries to place his arm around me but I move slightly so that he misses. He hand brushes my arm as it returns to the armrest. It makes me shiver.

I try to make myself even smaller, moving away from Tony but not too close to the girl to be obvious. I imagine her swallowing me whole. My whole body feels heavy. Foreign. Confused.

I can hear Tony breathing through his mouth. I want to run. Why did I ever come?

The girl beside me whispers something but her words are lost against the sound of the movie.

I can feel myself hurtling through space. Solar winds howl past my ears. I close my eyes, suddenly feeling nauseous.

She is still there. Watching me. Waiting.

Start dreaming

Start dreaming
in the parking lot
a little star shines
in my head,

running away from the crowd
songs of life hold me
from losing grip
dreams of a different way
of relating to each other

Breathe in

breathe in
breathe out
all the air you breathe
we breathe
because I need you
in my life
breathing life and energy

when you switched on to me
you were sad
about someone else
going round and round
until our breaths became
shared air

her name was summer

summer fills every part of me
moonlight silver in my eyes
shapes shimmer, twirling
music floats – my feet dance
like spirits of the air
sweeping grace in her arms
swaying to the song
fingers in my hair
brushing against my neck
smooth and hot
brushing against my lips
crushed against her body
until sunrise – pink light
slips over the horizon
and deep inside me

My faery queen

My faery queen
doesn’t think of me in that way;

stuck in her imaginative web
and burning with desire,

obsessed with her flirting
to all the boys;

she is completely unaware I exist,
the girl with tears rolling, graceful hands;

passionate is pretty, on a cloudy high,
try to live with the pain;

hands in my pockets,
hoodie pulled low

she looks but doesn’t see
the face I see in the mirror;

I don’t know who I am anymore
but when she looks at me I can’t breathe

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