Hopelessly wanting

time to move on                            low-cut cotton blouse
sun-tan breasts                          boyfriends and sex
warm summer nights           backseat virginity
haunts my dreams             until morning comes
for something to do         somebody to remember
when we promised       to love forever
just like a movie        hopelessy wanting

 

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A knight’s secret

You can hear a live performance of this poem by Ain’t Life on Youtube by clicking here. The performance was part of a poetry night at Smith’s Alternative Bookshop.

Once I was a brave knight,
Deeply in love,
Wrapped in the arms
Of my princess,
Safe in my armour.
With her warm body
By my side
I was able to face any foe,
Drawing strength from her strength
Drawing strength from her love,
Fight battles,
Reaching the height,
Savouring victory,
Immortality, ecstasy
Within my graps.

The she began
To fade away.
Little by little,
Her arms grew cold,
Her body grew hard,
Her eyes grew dim,
No longer safe,
No longer strong,
Losing battles
Against the demons,
Staring into the abyss,
Until vanquished,
Retreating in shame,
Hiding my face,
Tired and weary.

I tried to fight on,
Using another’s sword,
But the brief battles
Left me hollow,
Feeling empty,
Feeling lost,
Feeling alone.
As my breath
Caught in my throat
I faced the end.

Then piece by piece
I rebuilt my armour,
Steel so thick
No arrow could pierce,
No sword could thrust,
No hand could touch,
No lips could kiss,
And once again
I could walk
On the battlefield,
Standing tall,
Appearing invincible,
Yielding to no one,
Keeping my secret
That the armour
Holds an empty soul.

A girl with a guitar

A girl with a guitar written by Molly-Louise and performed by Ain’t Life

I’m going to find a girl with a guitar
And play her tune all night long
Lay on the beach under the stars
And sing her Frank Zappa songs

I’m going to find a girl with a car
And drive her ‘round all night long
Park somewhere under the stars
And sing her Van Morrison songs

I’m going to find a girl with faraway eyes
And hold her tight all night long
Park somewhere under the stars
And sing her Rolling Stones songs

I’m going to find a girl like you
And dance with her all night long
Do whatever she wants to do
And sing her Foreigner songs

Molly #23

Stephanie and I walked out of the pavilion and into a world of rides, clowns and show bags. With all the excitement and noise spinning around me I soon forgot to be sad and we lined up for a ride on the dodgem cars. Mum bought some tickets and Stephanie and I climbed into the same car. She steered because she was bigger than me and I couldn’t reach the pedals or steering wheel. The bell rang and we were soon off, whizzing around and around, sometimes bumping into other cars and swerving all over the place. We were laughing our heads off the whole time and I was quite breathless by the end.

My head was still spinning after I got out of the dodgem car and Mum had bought some fairy floss for Stephanie and me. As we walked along holding hands and eating our fairy floss I told Stephanie that I had never had so much fun in my life. We swore we would be best friends forever and I felt my eyes sparkling with joy. We gave each other a big hug and I thought how amazing it was that I felt so perfect and happy when I was with Stephanie.

I was really tired by the end of the day, but I was floating with happiness as I sat in the car. I kept watching the showground through the back window of the car as we drove away and I could see the tops of the ferris wheel and some of the rides poking above the trees. There was still some fairy floss left on my stick and I licked it with my tongue, giggling at the way its sugary spider webs dissolved in my mouth. When I closed my eyes, I could picture the clown’s heads with their wide open mouths turning from side to side in the middle of all that noise and dust.

That night at dinner, the girls were still talking excitedly about the show.

“Did you see how cute the lambs were?”

“I didn’t go anywhere near the animals,” said Samantha. “It was too dusty and smelly in there.”

“Oh, but they were so cute, and the smell wasn’t that bad,” said Jasmine.

“What about the trick riders?” Catherine said, “They were fantastic. There was this one guy that leaned right down off his horse and picked a girl up from the ground and then she climbed on his shoulders as they rode.”

“Yeah, I saw that. They were so amazing.”

“I’ll tell you what was amazing was the rides. Did you go on the zipper?”

“No way! It made me feel sick just looking at it.”

“I nearly was!” said Samantha as she swallowed a mouthful of peas.  “It looked tame but as soon as I climbed in the cage it took off, and then I was upside down and suddenly spinning around. My legs were all wobbly when I got off.”

“Aw yuck!”

There was no way I would have gotten on a ride like that. I thought about how much fun I’d had with Stephanie on the dodgem cars and smiled to myself.

“Well it’s a good thing you all had fun,” said Dad, “Because next year we’ll be at a different show.”

“What do you mean?” Mum suddenly put down her knife and fork and looked sharply at him.

“I just heard this afternoon, we’re moving again. It’s only a rumour, but you know how these things work out.”

“I thought we had decided to stay here while the girls were at school?” I watched Mum’s face because she didn’t look very happy.

“Well, we’ll talk about it after dinner,” said Dad.

The girls had gone quiet and everyone had forgotten about the show.

As I lay in bed after dinner I could hear Mum and Dad talking in the lounge room. Every now and then Dad would raise his voice, not quiet yelling but I could tell he was putting his foot down and wasn’t going to budge.

When Mum came into my bedroom to tuck me in bed, I knew she had been crying. I gave her an extra hard hug when she kissed me goodnight.

“Mum, what’s happening?” I asked quietly.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Molly,” she said. “Just go to sleep, darling, and everything will be all right.” She turned out the light but left my bedroom door slightly open.

That night I had a dream that was full of images of colourful things spinning around. Suddenly I was on the back of a horse, riding over jumps and through hoops; then I was in a dodgem car and laughing my head off, but when I turned to smile at Stephanie it was actually Dad holding the steering wheel and we were driving out of the showground.

Midsummer blue

I don’t care
to blame others
for thinking of the past
of things that have gone out of style
love, marriage, family, first kisses
wandering the shadows, morning mist
cyber secrets like ancient charms
traded after dark where words are power
dancing flames of hair, emerald eyes
glance sharply, voice echoes
a witch’s refrain to leave it alone
because midsummer blue
will always be a dreamer

Molly #3

Pouting, I hopped off the stool and wandered into the lounge room. “Come and sit over here, Molly,” Mum said, looking up as I came into the room. She had some sewing on her lap and the television was on. I could still hear the girls singing in the kitchen. Dad was sitting in his arm chair reading the newspaper; he didn’t look up when I came in.
I sat on the lounge and picked up one of my favourite picture books, the one with animals in it. I heard Mum sigh, but I wasn’t sure whether she was tired or frustrated. Dad cleared his throat loudly and Mum looked at me and smiled secretly with her blue-grey eyes, as if to say, ‘I smile just for you’. But she turned back to her sewing and I looked down at my book. I couldn’t read yet but I was going to school next year and I couldn’t wait to learn how to make sense of those black squiggles on the page. I already knew some letters and the sounds they made. “That one is ‘cuh’ for cat,” I said out loud. I wondered where the cat was; maybe he was out chasing mice. Yuk, I wouldn’t want to be a cat and eat mice.
The newspaper rustled as Dad turned the page. “The price of petrol is going up again,” he said. “It’s a wonder anyone can make any money these days.”
“Oh dear,” said Mum, “It never stops.” Her busy fingers painted stitches in the cloth. “I ran into Robyn today. You know, I think her and Paul will get married soon.”
“What makes you think that?” Dad replied.
“Oh, it’s just a feeling. The way she talks about him. She was looking at flowers.” Dad grunted and continued reading the newspaper; Mum kept sewing. “I think it would be lovely if they got married.”
“It’s about time, anyway.”
“’Duh’ for dog,” I said as I turned the page. I don’t like dogs very much because they are scary the way they bark and jump all over you. I’m glad we don’t have a dog. “Woof! Woof woof!”
“Molly, be quiet,” said Mum, “We are trying to watch the television. Just read quietly to yourself, please honey.” The needle stabbed the cloth, leaving a row of neat little stitches. “She will make a beautiful bride.”
“Paul had better get a proper job first,” said Dad. More singing could be heard coming from the kitchen.
“Oh, they’re only young. They have plenty of time; they want to travel first.”
I turned over a few more pages. “Huh for horse.” I had never seen a horse up close, only those ones across the road. They looked nice standing there and eating grass. I wondered what it would be like to ride one. Maybe I could be a princess and ride through my kingdom on a beautiful white horse. Everybody would come out of their houses to see me go past and I would wave back at them.
“I wonder when the wedding will be.” Mum was already sewing the wedding dress in her mind.
“Is that all you can think about?” The newspaper rustled again.
“Sh for sheep.” I like sheep; they are all soft and woolly, I thought to myself as I ran my fingers over the picture. “Baa, baa.”
“Molly! I think it’s time for bed; you are being far too noisy tonight.” I looked up at Mum quickly because she was annoyed with me. “Come on, let’s go and clean your teeth and I’ll tuck you in bed.”

dreaming was easy

dreaming was easy,
loving her was hard;
she left me feeling faded,
like a pair of skinny jeans,
even when body
was close to mine
she kept on with her rebellion
against the whole world,
mistaking it for love,
keeping it far from simple,
we went round in circles
playing her games
that messed with my head,
back and forth,
touching the nerves across my ribs
so warm and soft,
before she kissed me
and everything was right again.

Whispers

Don’t ask what I’m thinking
about the world where I live
I don’t care where it is
how that wall came between us
what made us weak were whispers

Bush ballad

Breezes high wave treetops
A lowly crow is flying
No future bright by campfire glow
Where time strikes down all men
For in the name of love
There is no mercy

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