every girl I’ve kissed

seeking shelter from the night
when I was just a little girl
they put a spell on me
on every song I’ve sung
every girl I’ve kissed


as far away as the moon

weekends were worst
when I couldn’t help missing her
when I was seventeen
she was as far away as the moon

in my head the song is never over

she had crazy hair and read comics
no wonder we fell in love
lonely girls don’t make trouble
they recite poems like they are living
extra kisses at the end of her texts
and she laughs like the morning sun
gentle hands of milk and honey
eyes closed she calls my name
in my head the song is never over

search for a heart dream

awkward adolescent conflict
I thought I would always love her
but this night circus turned into a beautiful disaster,
it was crazy―dancing with dragons—like a fable
if I only knew what the moral was
shaken like a fallen angel, collapsed
where I couldn’t follow, into the silence
on the wind―for what it could have been
I still need a place to go
In my search for a heart dream

truth—I knew she lied

truth—I knew she lied
an answer that was not an answer
no matter how many times we lay together
when it’s not love but a need
to feel another’s skin against my own
to tremble when I realised she lied
despite how close her lips were to mine
I told her I won’t leave—until I have her answer
she rolled over in bed—toward the open window
I wonder if she thinks about flying away like I do
answer me, I say—answer me, answer me, answer me

Hopelessly wanting

time to move on                            low-cut cotton blouse
sun-tan breasts                          boyfriends and sex
warm summer nights           backseat virginity
haunts my dreams             until morning comes
for something to do         somebody to remember
when we promised       to love forever
just like a movie        hopelessy wanting


A knight’s secret

You can hear a live performance of this poem by Ain’t Life on Youtube by clicking here. The performance was part of a poetry night at Smith’s Alternative Bookshop.

Once I was a brave knight,
Deeply in love,
Wrapped in the arms
Of my princess,
Safe in my armour.
With her warm body
By my side
I was able to face any foe,
Drawing strength from her strength
Drawing strength from her love,
Fight battles,
Reaching the height,
Savouring victory,
Immortality, ecstasy
Within my graps.

The she began
To fade away.
Little by little,
Her arms grew cold,
Her body grew hard,
Her eyes grew dim,
No longer safe,
No longer strong,
Losing battles
Against the demons,
Staring into the abyss,
Until vanquished,
Retreating in shame,
Hiding my face,
Tired and weary.

I tried to fight on,
Using another’s sword,
But the brief battles
Left me hollow,
Feeling empty,
Feeling lost,
Feeling alone.
As my breath
Caught in my throat
I faced the end.

Then piece by piece
I rebuilt my armour,
Steel so thick
No arrow could pierce,
No sword could thrust,
No hand could touch,
No lips could kiss,
And once again
I could walk
On the battlefield,
Standing tall,
Appearing invincible,
Yielding to no one,
Keeping my secret
That the armour
Holds an empty soul.

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